Mysterious Love Notes II
by Failure Turtle
Summary: A series of love notes written by and for the WWE Superstars and Divas. This note: From Edge to a SmackDown Diva.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This time around, you guess who the letters are addressed to. You'll know who wrote them. This one probably won't be as long as the last one, but we'll see.**

Dear green eyes,

You didn't deserve that embarrassment that you suffered tonight. That's a horrible thing to have happen on live television like that. However, I am extremely pleased that you kicked your man to the curb.

Well, did you even end it? You pretty much demanded that you can do whatever you want, but…

I was never too good at relationships. Why do you think my engagements have always broken off?

So, all in all, I'm not sure if you ended it or not. If you did, I think I'm supposed to wait two weeks before I make a move. But if you didn't, I guess I'm shit out of luck.

I doubt you'll tell me. I guess I'm supposed to figure these kinds of things out for myself, but I've never really been that bright.

If you want some, come get some,

John Cena


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Erm…I thought that we were going to have a clean sweep, but someone guessed Ashley…**

**It was Maria.**

Dear Canada boy,

You're a freaking douche bag. I just wanted you to know that. But you're a hot douche bag.

Your girlfriend is old and nasty. Are you serious with that? Good god, man!

I wanted to personally go out to the ring and kick your ass on Monday for making fun of my hometown. Chicago is _not_ a real city compared to Milwaukee, okay? Just because we don't have an NHL team…

Wait, I forgot. You're a Devils fan. And you say you're a real Canadian…

Okay, so I really wasn't going to go out to the ring and attack you. I don't think you'd like that very much. Besides, I'd be like super afraid if you decided to retaliate. I know you're not my biggest fan…

But on a lighter note, it was still super awesome to see you back on RAW, even if it was only for one night.

Lovies,

Candice Michelle


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Well, it looks like "I Super Good" decided that it would be a good idea to copy and paste my story, "The Champion and the Diva," word for word and post it as their own

**A/N: Well, it looks like "I Super Good" decided that it would be a good idea to copy and paste **_**my**_** story, "The Champion and the Diva," word for word and post it as their own. Oh, they changed the character's name and supposedly "made it better." Um, no. They plagiarized me and I am utterly pissed off. so please, do me a favor. If the 98234798523094820 abuse reports we sent yesterday weren't enough, send more. Flame her. Do whatever you can to get that crap deleted.**

**Phew. The last one was Edge.**

Dear Champ,

Bet you didn't think that you were going to catch that so quickly, did you? Sure, it was under special circumstances, but whatever. You still have that gold around your waist.

Edge must not be too happy about that, if you know what I'm saying. Eh, you probably don't.

Okay, so I know the spotlight has totally been on me lately, but I hope that doesn't keep you from getting to know me. I don't want to scare you away.

But I kind of hope that you don't see my Playboy pictorial. I don't want you to feel weird around me or anything. That would be awkward…

Oh, you're married? I can fix that, if you'd like…

Sweet dreams,

Maria


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: The last one was Jericho, not Randy. I said he **_**just**_** became a champion.**

**I'm just not even going to go on my rant right now.**

Dear Fluffybuns,

Can I call you that from now on? It's an adorable nickname, if I do say so myself. Fluffybuns…Oh, that's so cute! I think I'm going to name my cat that. But you don't really remind me of a cat…

Actually, you don't really remind me of any sort of animal that I'd consider to own in my house as a pet. You're not very sweet, either. Why do I like you again? I'm not sure, but I guess that I'm not very smart.

But you hurt Maria that one time! I forgot about that. Would you hurt me like that? I hope not.

Oh, I heard you're coming to SmackDown soon! Well, you know I'm on ECW and those two shows travel together. We can be together all the time then!

Now I think if I called you Fluffybuns, you'd scream at me and I'd have to run away. But I still want to call you that…

Love,

Kelly Kelly


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Please, I love Santino. Do you honestly think I'd grace Kelly Kelly by putting her in the same thought as Santino? Yeah, right.**

**It was Umaga. Oh, I'm sorry, Youmainga.**

Dear loser,

Oh my gosh! I totally didn't mean that. Sorry, I've been watching "The Dirt Sheet" a lot lately, and I'm sure you understand. They've called you a loser before, and I just think that's uncalled for. I don't think you're a loser. I must apologize again. "The Dirt Sheet" is just so hilarious. I find myself quoting it all the time.

Well, we never really got to hang out much when I was on SmackDown. You were on ECW then, and I was the valet for Paul London and Brian Kendrick. I would have gladly helped you out, though. Just think, our outfits would match and everything. It would be so cute.

But now I'm on RAW, and you're in a new tag team. Good luck with that.

Loveee,

Ashley.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: The last one was…Shannon. Sorry, it's hard to concentrate right now. Curry Man and the Motor City Machine Guns are on my TV. Screw Sharkboy.**

**I apologize ahead of time for the randomness of this one.**

Dear spicy tamale,

That was awkward.

You know that I am a musical kind of guy. I have a song to express my feelings for you. Have you ever seen Eurotrip? Well, when you fall in love with this song, we're going to watch it on our first date.

Here's the song.

_Batista doesn't know that you and me do it in my van every Sunday_.

Okay, so I don't really have a van. I have cool cars. Your boyfriend has a van, though. He has a big white one. He always asks Randy if he can store it in his garage. Batista doesn't like taking it out during the day. He waits until you're sleeping.

That's reason right there to dump him and hook up with me. I'm just saying…

Word life,

John Cena.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Yeah, the last one was Melina.**

**I'm thinking of ending this at ten or twenty chapters. Maybe fifteen. I don't know.**

**This is way funnier to me than the Umaga one.**

Dear hardcore guy,

Okay, so you're much older than I am. You're not as old as Ric Flair, but still. I probably shouldn't like you. It's kind of creepy, but I don't care.

I always get so sad when Carlito and Santino say that Cody Rhodes is your boyfriend. Then it means that I can't have you, and I don't like that.

Sure, my current boyfriend might beat you up, but I don't care.

Then again, he should be more afraid of your tag team partner's new gangster homies. They might bust a cap. I don't think you'd like that anymore.

Stay safe and wear your bulletproof vest!

Love,

Kelly Kelly

**A/N: …HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Of course that shit was Hardcore Holly. Hehehe. I'm glad I'm not the only one who found that hilarious. God, I hate him and Kelly Kelly.**

**Moving on…**

Dear new girl,

Howdy! You see, we're on the same touring schedule, but I don't know much about you. What I do know is that I'd like to hog tie you, but that's a different story. Please take no offense to that.

I feel kind of bad because you don't have many friends on your show. If I ever get sent over to wrestle on ECW because of the talent exchange, you can hang out with Shannon and me. Trust me, you'll fit right in. we're the same nationality, except I'm an Asian cowboy. Yee-haw!

And don't worry about that Kelly Kelly girl. She'll get over herself in time.

Remember, I'm your boy!

Jimmy Wang Yang


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Uh, last time I checked, Natalya wasn't Asian…**

**It was Lena.**

Dear Rated S for the Slut of SmackDown,

Hi, how's it going? I'm doing just fine, thanks for _not_ asking.

Actually, I'm glad you didn't ask. Your voice makes my blood curdle in fear. You sound like a guy. Really, you do. Your accent sucks and you're a disgrace to Canada. Hell, you can't even wrestle.

But, alas, you're freaking hot and I want to do you. I think I'd have to put a sock in your mouth, though. I don't want your man voice scaring me. I might think I'm sleeping with a guy then. I'd have to kick you out of the room.

You don't have any man parts, do you? It really wouldn't surprise me. I'd just like to make sure before I use you and make you go away.

And what's with your new friends? Since when was trailer trash acceptable?

I don't spear guys,

Edge


End file.
